An edgy & puzzling koan from Zen Master Tova Tarantino Toshiba: The Illustrious and Delusional Abbess of Satire.
There is no eternal peace, but whatever piece you find may fit the puzzle. Is it an edge or the middle?
From Living by the Seat of Your Pants. Master Toshiba. Page 14.
More unbelievable words of enlightenment: Zen Master Tova Tarantino Toshiba: The Illustrious and Delusional Abbess of Satire.
An inspiring & painful tale from Zen Master Tova Tarantino Toshiba: The Illustrious and Delusional Abbess of Satire.
“There is only the direct path,” Zen Master Toshiba exhorted to the lay community that had gathered for her Thursday talk. “You can go around in circles and try many paths, but the one which leads to the source is straight and narrow. It isn’t easy. It involves hardship, determination, and will power.” Many heads nodded in agreement. “We must not take this lightly,” The Master said sternly. “With the direct path, we can focus on what arises.” She paused, sighed, and then finished the session with the admonition, “Like a horse being led to water, we must not look to the left or the right, but keep our eyes on the road, trail or meadow . . . whatever it is the horse is walking on, and keep moving. Sitting still is a waste of time.”
At the next week’s meeting, one of the men who had attended previously came in late and tripped over several people as he made his way to the front of the line. There he stood in front of The Master. His face was a mass of bruises and it looked as if his nose and arm had been broken. He gingerly prostrated, bowed, and stood again, with the help of his neighbor.
“Why are you standing before me?” Master Toshiba inquired.
“You said sitting was a waste of time Master.”
“And what has happened to your body?”
“I have taken your words to heart and made every attempt to go straight and not detour from my destination, as you instructed. It has been a very hard road.”
“You have taken my words to heart and been thus rewarded. Has it knocked any sense into you yet?”
“It has knocked me senseless several times, but I don’t think I have any greater understanding.”
“Perhaps not, but you have provided a wonderful example for others.”
“I have?”
“Yes, please sit, if you can,” Master Toshiba advised. The man did so painfully.
“This gentleman has shown us all the power of faith and determination. He tried my words on for size and found that they are not to be taken literally, but as metaphors, stories, parables, fairy tales, and the gospel truth. Of course truth is subjective and your experience of what it is may be different than mine, but THE truth is formed upon solid rock and is true in all circumstances, situations, and times. And that’s the truth.”
More unbelievable words of enlightenment: Zen Master Tova Tarantino Toshiba: The Illustrious and Delusional Abbess of Satire.
An amazing story, koan or tale from Zen Master Tova Tarantino Toshiba: The Illustrious and Delusional Abbess of Satire.
Enlightenment is not some goal to attain or strive for; it is your natural state. It can be realized at any time while sitting, talking, walking, or most often when laying down to sleep. Our minds are most open when we are not focused on a particular object or task and are at ease with what is and where we are.
It takes practice not to practice. Be diligent in your daily activities, chores, work, and contemplation. Do not focus. Let your mind wander. Wherever it goes is where it’s supposed to be. There is no path, but if you find yourself on one, try not to get lost.
Dreaming the Dreamless by Mistress Tova. Pg. 10
More unbelievable words of enlightenment: Zen Master Tova Tarantino Toshiba: The Illustrious and Delusional Abbess of Satire.
An excerpt from the hot and cold Zen Master Tova Tarantino Toshiba: The Illustrious and Delusional Abbess of Satire.
A mother of one of Mistress Tova’s students missed her daughter and came to see what she was learning at the monastery. She found her daughter sleeping in the large bedroom she shared with ten other students who were also asleep. Quietly, she approached her daughter and gently shook her shoulder. Turning over slowly and rubbing her eyes, the girl awoke to see her mother sitting on her cot.
“Mother,” the girl whispered. “What a wonderful surprise.”
“I’ve missed you so much,” her mother replied. They embraced. “Are you eating okay? How’s your health?”
“Shhh,” the girl whispered to her mother. “I’m fine, but can’t you see we’re meditating?”
“Meditating?” The mother looked around at all the sleeping students. “You’re all napping. It’s the middle of the day.”
“It may look that way Mom, but we are in deep meditation.” Several snores arose above their whispers.
“When we’ll you be done, so we can visit?” her mother asked.
The girl looked outside to gauge the sun. “Another four or five hours, not much longer.”
“You’re going to sleep your entire day away.”
“Oh no, Mom,” the daughter said, her eyes shining brightly. “Mistress Tova says that it is best to sleep in, take long naps, and relax as often as possible, day or night. She says that it wakes us up to the reality of what is real.”
“You’re kidding?” Her mother said.
“Kidding? I’m not a kid Mom.”
Her mother rolled her eyes. “You left home to live like a sloth and sleep all day?”
“It’s not like that. You don’t understand. Mistress Tova says this is the surest path to enlightenment.”
“Then Mistress Tova is . . . never mind.” She kissed her daughter on the cheek, and stood. “Let me know when you’re done. I’ll be outside. I think we need to talk.”
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An excerpt from Dead Head Zen Master Tova Tarantino Toshiba: The Illustrious and Delusional Abbess of Satire.
If life is a bowl full of cherries, what do we eat when we are dead?
Every Day Koans by Master Tova. Epilogue.
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An excerpt from the succulent Zen Master Tova Tarantino Toshiba: The Illustrious and Delusional Abbess of Satire.
A wild tiger was being itself . . . wild . . . and scaring a nearby community. They asked Master Tarantino if she could rid them of the perceived menace. Though no humans had been attacked and the tiger kept to its own area in the forest, the people lived in fear that one day it would decide to have one of them for lunch. The Master agreed to go speak with the tiger.
Upon arriving in a clearing in the middle of the forest, Master Tarantino sat on a soft anthill and waited. She waited patiently. The ants didn’t seem to mind, other than a few thousands that crawled up and down her body, underneath and on top of her garments, to investigate the strange large object that had caved in their roof. The sun set and arose and set and arose again before she heard the tiger’s footsteps.
“Well, it’s about time,” she said to the unsuspecting tiger, which stopped short in his tracks. He sniffed the air to see from which direction the sound had originated and soon saw the woman sitting atop the ant community. “The people in town are afraid of you and asked me to make you go away.”
Of course, the tiger didn’t speak English or human for that matter, so all he heard were squawking sounds that arose and fell from the mammal he assumed was trying to communicate.
“People are scared of the unknown,” Master Tarantino continued, “and do not realize that we are all one and connected. You are no different than I. We have simply been born into different looking bodies and circumstances. You cannot grow vegetables or fruit trees and thus need your fangs and claws for protection and to catch your food.” The tiger remained as still as a statue, not yet certain if this creature was friendly or foe. “Therefore, we kindly ask that you consider living somewhere else, stay away from town and promise not to eat any people.” She suddenly stood, raised her arms, and bowed. In so doing, her sleeves flapped in the wind and frightened the poor tiger out of his wits. He reared up on his hind legs, turned, and ran as fast as he could.
Master Tarantino returned to town and told the villagers that she had spoken with the tiger and he was in full agreement. He had left immediately upon her request.
The tiger returned to its mate and told her about his encounter with the strange mammal. He said they looked dangerous and made quick threatening motions. He warned her to not go into the city or anywhere near the smell of such terrifying creatures.
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An excerpt from the spectacular Zen Master Tova Tarantino Toshiba: The Illustrious and Delusional Abbess of Satire.
There is no difference between one life and another. All beings share the same essence and spark of energy. To punish one for looking ugly and award another for its beauty is just plain mean. Worms are essential for the soil. Soil is needed to grow our food. Rain is necessary to nourish the soil. Plants are vital for us to live. Human life completes the circle. You may ask how humans contribute to this circle of life and that is a good question.
The Buddha said, ‘Have compassion for all beings.’ When he was seeking enlightenment the snails shielded him from the sun and provided shade. He didn’t stick them on hooks and feed them to fish or chickens. No, he honored them for who they were and used their assistance in his search for truth and true compassion.
Footnote. Page 19. Speaking of Holiness
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An excerpt from the ever irreverent Zen Master Tova Tarantino Toshiba: The Illustrious and Delusional Abbess of Satire.
There was no difference between one life and another to Mistress Toshiba. She respected all with equanimity, love, and tender care. The story of her compassion for the worms is legendary.
The nuns were walking with their Mistress, on their way to market to sell their organic vegetables, when they passed some fishermen who were taking worms out of a bucket, putting them on their hooks, and casting them into the river.
“Oh my!” Mistress Toshiba yelled. “What are you doing?”
“We are fishing,” replied one of the fishermen.
“But these?” She held up the bucket of worms. “What are you doing with these?”
“Those are worms Venerable One,” the man explained. “That is what catches the fish.”
“Not any longer,” Mistress Toshiba said, as she dumped out the bucket of worms onto the earth. She knelt beside them and said, “Crawl, crawl away before these men sacrifice your precious bodies upon their metal barbwire.”
After the men closed their astonished mouths, they ran to gather the worms and put them back in the bucket. “What are you doing?” they cried.
As she held up her hand for them to stand back, she replied, “I am setting our friends free.”
“But we spent hours digging for them this morning,” one man said angrily. “This is how we feed our families!”
“You must find another way,” retorted Mistress Toshiba. “These are our gentle brothers and sisters. We have no right to cut short their short lives.”
“What do you expect our families to eat tonight?” said an old man. “This is how we’ve provided nourishment for our wives, husbands, daughters, and sons for generations.”
The Mistress smiled calmly. “There are other ways, ways that do not cause suffering to our living family. Worms help the soil breathe. And the poor fish; have you ever thought of their life energies, of their feelings and families?”
“Tell you what Venerable One,” the old fisherman grumbled. “You give us that food you’re carrying for market and teach us how to make more like it and we’ll let the worms go and meet to discuss changing our livelihoods. We aren’t going to starve because of your worm fetish.”
Mistress Toshiba felt the eyes of the nuns and fishermen upon her. She closed one eye, pointed her finger towards the sky and said, “You’ve got a deal.” She turned towards the sisters with the baskets of food and said, “Let them have it all.” They did as they were told. She then turned towards the fishermen and added, “We will see you tomorrow morning and show you our ways.”
The fishermen happily took the baskets of food from the sisters, grinned, and bowed their thanks. They could be heard laughing as they took their leave.
As the sisters began walking home empty-handed, Sister Hamilton couldn’t restrain herself any longer. “They got what they wanted, but what are we supposed to use for grain, tools, and supplies? The money and food from the market was all we would have had for months.”
Without breaking stride, Mistress Toshiba replied, “There are much more important things than money and food. All life is precious, especially the lives of our wonderful worm friends. Trust me sister. All that is needed will be provided. We have our ways.”
“And our rich admirers,” Sister Jenkins whispered to Sister Hamilton.
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An excerpt from the zany Zen Master Tova Tarantino Toshiba: The Illustrious and Delusional Abbess of Satire.
When it is pitch dark and you open your eyes, what do you see?
10,002 Koans by Master Tova Tarantino Toshiba
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An excerpt from Zen Master Tova Tarantino Toshiba: The Illustrious and Delusional Abbess of Satire.
There was a man who traveled thousands of miles to see Master Tarantino, certain that being in her presence would bring the peace and enlightenment he craved. He asked for an audience every day for a week until he was finally invited into the inner sanctum to meet The Master. He was certain his wishes would be fulfilled and all the answers to his questions answered. The moment arose and he entered. To his surprise, there was no one present.
“Hello,” the seeker whispered. When there was no answer he called out. “Hello! Master?”
“In here,” she hollered.
He followed the sound to a small doorway to the left of the dais in the back of the meditation hall. He looked in and saw Master Tarantino apparently on her knees cleaning the toilet bowl.
“Master, I have come thousands of miles and waited many days to see you.”
The Master turned her head and smiled. “That’s wonderful.” She stood and handed him the brush. “Clean this. When you’re done come see me in the garden.”
The seeker reluctantly took the brush and began cleaning. “This must be a test of my devotion,” he reasoned, “to see if I am worthy.” When he’d completed the task he went to see The Master in the garden. He found her sleeping and quietly woke her. It was a hot day.
“I’m done,” he said and proceeded to sit cross-legged on the ground, awaiting her teachings.
“What?” she said, rubbing her eyes and yawning? “Oh, it’s you.” The seeker waited patiently for his instructions on finding peace and happiness. “If you don’t mind, would you please do the laundry? It won’t take long. It’s over there in that big washbasin. The river’s only a mile or two down the road. Let me know when you’re done.”
Reluctantly, the seeker stood, looked at the smiling Master and did as he was instructed, believing it was another task to prepare him for the golden words he longed to hear.
By dusk, the laundry had been hand-washed and scrubbed and brought before Master Tarantino who was finishing a sumptuous dinner. “Excellent,” she exclaimed, upon the seeker presenting himself and the folded laundry. “You deserve a treat. Sit. Take a load off your feet.” The student placed the laundry on a chair, sat, and bowed to The Master, as she took her plate of leftovers and placed it before him. He bowed again, eating greedily, as she poured him a glass of water, which he gulped down from thirst. Bowing once again, he waited for his spiritual instruction.
“You’ll do,” The Master said. “I’m going to bed early. Tomorrow’s a busy day.”
“Master,” the bewildered student exclaimed. “What is the significance of ‘you’ll do’?”
“Significance?”
“Are you saying I’m good enough as I am, that I am enough? Does it imply validation for my journey and quest? Is it meant to teach me to be and not do? I beg you to explain.” He bowed once again.
“Begging does not suit you,” she grinned. “You are the help we asked for, are you not?”
“Help?” the student exclaimed.
“They said you were from a far off land and would be arriving any day. We promised room and board. You are exactly as requested. Sister Hernandez will show you to your cot.” The Master nodded at the sister who entered, waiting to lead the seeker to his room.
“No. No. No. There’s been some mistake,” the student said. “I’ve traveled thousands of miles and waited many days to accept your teachings and find peace and happiness.”
“Excellent,” The Master said, as she was leaving. “You’ll do.”
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Gabriel Constans 