A student came to study with Master Tarantino Toshiba after a recent separation. She was fed up with relationships and said she was tired of the whole mating game. She’d rather go it alone and find peace of mind through meditation.
“Go back to your ex and give it a little longer,” advised Master Toshiba. “But this time make sure to meditate non-stop while engaged in any conversation or activity with your partner.”
“You’re telling me to leave and return to that selfish, nagging cheater and try again?”
“Yes, but try not to call them names, as that tends to make people feel bad.”
The student thought The Master had misspoken, since she had no idea what her ex was really like, but she trusted her teacher and returned home. After a month of re-kindled arguments and negativity, she returned to her teacher.
“This is not working Master. No matter how hard I try to meditate or have loving thoughts, they continually ignore me, put me down, and tell me what to do. I want to stay here with you and the other nuns to find some peace of mind.”
“If you can’t find peace of mind at home with those you love, you will not find it in a monastery, community, or distant cave.”
“But Liz is insufferable. Aren’t there times when one needs to move on?”
“What’s her name?” The Master asked.
“My partner? You know Liz.”
“Oh yes. I know Liz,” Abbess Tova said. “Why didn’t you say so in the first place?”
“I assumed you knew who I was speaking about.”
“It is best to never assume anything,” replied the Abbess.
“Well, I apologize if I wasn’t clear.”
“No apology needed and it is accepted.” The Master smiled. “In this case, as I said before, there are times when some situations are hopeless and one must move on in order to find freedom.”
More satirical koans, stories, & tales, at Zen Master Tova Tarantino Toshiba: The Illustrious and Delusional Abbess of Satire.