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Posts tagged ‘domestic violence’

When You’ve Had Enough

When You’ve Had Enough: How to Leave a Violent Home Behind
Excellent and vital guest post by Nora Hood.

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One in four women and one in seven men will be a victim of domestic violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime, according to HuffPost. Many others will be sexually or physically abused by a family member, such as a parent, sibling, or aunt or uncle. Regardless of the abuser, everyone has the right to leave and go somewhere they feel safe. However, fear and the very real possibility of being “punished” by the abuser for trying to escape leaves far too many people in dangerous situations. If you or someone you love is ready to break the cycle of abuse, keep reading for tips on how to do so safely.

Acknowledge That the Abuse Exists

It’s not uncommon for abuse victims to downplay the situation. Psych Central explains that there are many forms of abuse, including emotional and psychological. Just because you haven’t landed in the hospital doesn’t mean you aren’t being abused.

Ask for Help

As the victim of domestic violence, physical abuse, or sexual assault, you have rights, and even if you’ve been forced to ostracize your friends and family, there is a network of people who are willing, ready, and able to help you make your exit. Pewitt Law, a Washington-based legal firm that specializes in domestic violence, notes that most law enforcement agencies provide civil standby. This is a process by which one or more officers arrive to deter violence and keep the peace. These officers can be there to protect you as you leave the home.

Other forms of assistance include crime victim compensation. Some states provide financial advisory services as well as benefits to help pay for medical expenses, food and shelter, and counseling for domestic abuse survivors.

Don’t Instigate

While you are not to blame for your situation, there are certain actions you should avoid when you’re planning to leave, as they could trigger a violent reaction from your abuser. Try to act as normal as possible while you make your exit strategy. Do not tell your abuser that you plan to leave. When researching your assistance options, such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline, take steps to ensure your internet history remains private. You can do this by opening up an “incognito” or “private” tab through your browser. Popular Science cautions, however, that even in private browsing mode, you may leave digital clues behind, which a tech-savvy (and paranoid) abuser may be able to trace. A better option is to use a prepaid smart device, paid with cash, which can be turned off and hidden. These “burner phones” can be picked up anywhere, from Walmart to your local gas station.

Safety at Your New Home

When you finally have plans and make preparations to leave, keep yourself safe by maintaining a comfortable distance from your abuser. You should be able to utilize a civil standby when you collect your personal belongings. Other ways to keep yourself safe during and after your relocation include:

  • Hire a moving company to enter and exit your abuser’s home with you; request a rental truck, if possible, and that your movers do not wear clothing that would identify the service you are using.
  • Do not list your new address or telephone number on social media.
  • Outfit your new home with an alarm system, deadbolts on the front and back doors, and peepholes where you can see who is knocking before you unlock the door (HomeAdvisor offers more home security tips).
  • Change your work hours.

Don’t leave your safety to chance. Get help, get out, and get your life back on track. You are better than your abuse and don’t deserve to suffer.

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My Sister Zina

My Sister Zina

One year ago today, my sister Zina was murdered by her abusive estranged husband. The restraining order she had against him should have prevented him from getting a gun, but he was able to buy one online without a background check.

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I’m going back to Washington, DC to share my sister’s story with leaders in Congress.

I’ll tell them that they can close the loopholes in our laws that allow dangerous people, like my sister’s killer, to get guns — and that simple, common-sense solutions would prevent others from experiencing this kind of tragedy.

Together, we can make sure that more women’s stories don’t end the way that Zina’s did. And one of the most important things you can do to make sure that Congress acts is to share the stories of survivors and women like my sister.

Watch this message today, and add your name to the letter to Congress:

http://act.demandaction.org/sign/Zina

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Help me do this for Zina and for all the women whose lives are at risk when dangerous people get their hands on guns.

Thank you for watching,

Elvin Daniel
Campaign to End Gun Violence
Mayors Against Illegal Guns

In Order To Survive

Shiva’s Spectacular Gender Divide – Part 6 of 6
by Mira Prabhu. 22 July 2013
From Metaphysical & Mundane Musings of a Maverick Female Scribe

My own emotional reactions to perceived suffering—mine and others—were always so intense that I was often paralyzed into depression. By the time I was a teenager, I already knew that in order to survive, I would have to make peace with the patriarchy.

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Random investigations into the nature of reality proved to me that the foul concept of brawn over brain had distorted the collective psyche; everywhere—among rich and poor, educated and illiterate—I saw perverted masculinity. Instead of cherishing their womenfolk, men seemed to want to triumph over them. And by doing so, they smashed feminine self-esteem to smithereens. It was as if their own sisters, wives and daughters were arch rivals to be diminished and trounced. As a result, sexual union was often reduced to the usurpation of the female body, and marriage, in many cases, to no more than a legal form of rape.

To read entire article and series, go to Mira’s blog.

Women Like Amber

Dear Gabriel,

amberhs_200pxOur beautiful 36-year-old daughter Amber Schinault was a victim of domestic violence in Maryland. Amber was first assaulted by her boyfriend with his car on June 1st, 2012, where she had three fingers partially amputated. On June 7th, 2012, Amber with both hands bandaged from her operation, stood before a judge and obtained a restraining order against him. Our daughter was the most loving and kind individual.

After living with us for 50 days while in recovery, Amber went back home on July 19th, 2012, because she missed her four rescued dogs so much. On July 22, her ex-boyfriend broke into her house, waited for her to get home, and then murdered her. The restraining order had no effect because he was determined.

We started a petition in memory of Amber to help other victims of domestic violence like her. Will you sign it?

In 2010, a bill was presented to start a program for a GPS tracking device to notify law enforcement officials and the victim whenever a violator enters a restricted area. Since then, this bill has been in limbo in Maryland. Our goal is to notify the legislation just how important this program is not only in Maryland, but for the entire U.S.

If Amber’s ex-boyfriend had a GPS tracker in place to alert authorities when he entered areas near her, Amber still might be alive today.

Please help us make a difference and save women like Amber in the future.

Thank you for taking action,

Amber’s Family
Care2 Petition Site

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