Here, There and Everywhere

Posts tagged ‘separation’

Who Are You?

This may sound philosophical, spiritual or religious and perhaps it is, but “it” is as much science as insight and is an ever present reality that “I” am often blind too.

Lately, “I’ve” been seeing, thinking, feeling and observing how everything is connected and interconnected. It’s not the first time “I’ve” become aware of this, but it seems more prominent in my consciousness of late. The person or being that “I” and/or others identify as Gabriel, is both unique and important, as well as insignificant and a small part of the whole.

People, plants, animals, air, trees, water, earth, the planet, the solar system, the universe, the smallest particles and atoms all effect one another and are interdependent in millions of micro and macroscopic ways. Nothing and no one is immune or left untouched by this ever-changing existence of matter, sub-matter, energy and what is seen and not seen.

There are times when “I” am nowhere to be found. When “my” ego or attachment to “my” drama, personality, circumstances, family, friends and community is absent. Such times, moments or nows, are liberating and freeing.

Since “I” am also apart of it all and “my” thoughts, feelings, desires and actions also have effects, “I” am also of equal importance and responsible for co-creating with everything else. Thus, “I” practice taking personal responsibility in an impersonal way with compassion and intention of doing no harm.

So, what am “I” saying? “I”, who am named Gabriel Constans, whose body resides in Santa Cruz California, is known as married to Audrey Blumeneau and “has” 5 children and 2 grandchildren; is filled with gratitude for having the qualities of consciousness and awareness that make it possible for “me” to be and to “live” this experience we call life. Everything depends on everything. “Independence” and separation are a myth and only appear to exist when “we” forget to remember and be.

Crazy With Grief

Sometimes people ask right away. “Is this normal?” Others take their time, until they feel safe enough and then ask essentially the same question. “Am I going crazy?” “Do other people ever feel like this?” “Will I be OK?”

What they’re referring too is the intense, overwhelming and often bewildering experience of separation and loss. The physical and mental reactions of shock, numbness, shortness of breath, racing heart, stomach upset, difficulty sleeping or eating, lethargy, exhaustion, forgetfulness, inability to focus, clumsiness and confusion, can all be part of the journey of loss. The emotional swings in mood from intense anticipation of what will happen next (anxiety) to extreme pain, non-stop tears and sadness; are the bodies’ natural response to the death or separation from a loved one.

For many, whether you have had previous deaths in your life or not, it can be a frightening, bewildering and alienating experience. It feels like everything is hitting you at once and you aren’t sure what to do next. Overnight, your entire world has changed. Life seems to be out of control.

Though grief and mourning are our bodies’ natural reaction to separation, they can also resemble and/or mask symptoms of anxiety and depression. If, after a period of time, you are unable to function in daily life or are in doubt, do not hesitate to seek help, information and support.

More than likely, whatever you are experiencing is to be expected and there would be far more concern if you were not reacting at all. Having someone we love torn out of our physical presence or the thought of such a thing happening; can bring the strongest person in the world to their knees.

Find ways to externalize your emotion and thoughts. Use safe ways to “get it out”, such as talking, crying, screaming, walking, creating something and/or sharing with a friend or someone you trust.

Feeling the full impact of loss, in some respects, seems to be the initiation fee we pay to be part of the human race.

Afraid of Fear

Even though anxiety, fear and apprehension are a reality most Americans live with, in varying degrees, we do not have to let these feelings control, manipulate or ruin our lives.

Pain and loss or the thought of future pain and loss, can at times feel like an unbearable burden. Waiting for the next shoe to drop or wondering when the shoe that already dropped will ever go away, is a normal human reaction to the discomfort and weight of anxiety. Questioning whether such intense apprehension and fear will subside can keep our bodies and minds on ever-vigilant overload and cause numerous physical, emotional and mental difficulties.

There are numerous factors that can contribute too or create anxiety. Some are obvious – the sudden or expected death of a loved one, friend or colleague; the loss of a relationship; an act or threat of terrorism; divorce or separation; sexual and/or physical abuse; combat; changing, losing or starting a new job; and moving to a different part of town, the nation or another country. Less blatant, but potentially as nerve-racking are – the pace of our society, constantly moving faster, faster and faster; our diet and the foods we eat and how quickly we eat them; and the sadness and helplessness that can arise when we acknowledge the inequality and suffering in the world and the possibility that all life on earth is in jeopardy.

I remember jumping at loud noises for several months after my friend died in a car wreck. I also found myself excessively worrying about something happening to members of my family and thinking that I could be next every time I got behind the wheel. I had difficulty sleeping, which decreased the amount of energy and awareness I had the rest of the day and made me irritable and bossy with others in order to have some sense of control and stability.

What a relief when I recognized what was happening and that I wasn’t alone. According to the Anxiety Disorders Association of America, “anxiety is now the most commonly diagnosed mental illness in the country” and one of the least treated. It is estimated that only about 25% of adults experiencing mild to severe forms of anxiety seek or receive any treatment for it. Luckily, there are means and ways to decrease, relieve or transform anxiety, panic and fear.

The first step and perhaps most important, is to acknowledge, admit or identify when or if you are anxious, scared or fearful, though this isn’t always as easy as it sounds. Sometimes we have been anxious for so long we can’t see it for what it is and point the finger at someone or something outside ourselves. It can also be clumped together with depression, anger, sadness, guilt, etc. Once we can see it for what it is, we can then choose to take some constructive action.

One of the first actions we can make is to consciously “take a deep breath”. Yes, it’s an old cliche, but it turns out to have some merit, especially in relation to anxiety. A study in the Journal of the American Medical Association found that slow diaphragmatic breathing (similar to Yoga breathing practices) was just as effective in reducing anxiety as an antidepressant drug.

Some people find that medication, carefully monitored for side effects with their doctor, is a valuable and efficient tool to eliminate panic attacks and chronic anxiety. They can be helpful for months or years, depending on each individual’s tolerance and reactions.

Cognitive or Talk Therapy (in which triggers that create anxiety are identified, reduced or re-directed) has helped some people reduce, if not eliminate, many of their fears and phobias.

There is also a techniques such as TFT (Thought Field Therapy) that involves identifying what it is that one is fearful or anxious about, either remembering the feeling from a previous event or at the time it is happening and tapping five times, in succession, on specific points. These points correspond with meridians used in Acupressure. Like deep breathing this seems very simple, yet research and clinical practice have consistently found it to be effective in eliminating anxiety and nightmares.

A number of studies, including one in The American Journal of Psychiatry, have concluded that mindfulness meditation effectively reduces panic and anxiety symptoms. Mindfulness meditation combines breath and awareness to notice what we are experiencing moment to moment and learning how to neither push our thoughts, feelings and sensations away or hold on to them.

The famous presidential quote from the 1930’s that, “We have nothing to fear but fear itself”, doesn’t adequately portray all of life’s realities. There are countless things to fear besides fear itself, but when anxiety, apprehension and fear control our lives it can seem like it is all that exists.

I urge you not to run away from your fear and anxiety, but to see it eye to eye and find what works best to put it in context with the rest of your life and experience some peace, serenity, joy and hope.

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