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Posts tagged ‘tofu’

That Zany Grand Lady

586613838e010d433bacb209ce65ea56c69e859e-thumbFor those who are old enough to remember, the original Golden Girls sitcom was based on the real life teachings of that zany grand lady of Zen, Master Tova Tarantino Toshiba. 
Bettie Whyte, Actress, Comedienne, and Ageless Wonder

Gabriel Constans’ divine book about the humble Abbess can be used as a book of prayer, inspiration or before communing with the poor or the filthy rich. 
— Pope Fransis, Bishop of Romen

The story (so far):

This fictional short-story collection challenges our perceptions and illusions about religious masters, spiritual teachers, gurus, charlatans and holy men and women of all persuasions, while simultaneously tickling our funny bone and exercising the muscles our faces rely on for laughter. Zen Master Tova Tarantino Toshiba takes liberty with questionable material from the living sea, near Egypt; tofu paper, in Okinawa; a tomb, in Italy; a shaman, in Ethiopia; and a half-sister, in India. The words, quotes, koans and stories, of this soon to be classical work, include the timeless insights of Let the Worm’s Go, Dead Food,  Reality Bites, Stealing the Buddha, Drip After Drip, Sound of One Eye, Catching Wind, Looking Good, My Cat’s Enlightened, Chocolate Box, and Sex, Drugs and Sushi Rolls.

The Illustrious and Delusional Abbess of Satire at Amazon.

Zen Master Tova Tarantino Toshiba at Fountain Blue Publishing

Mohammad Ali In Drag

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Zen Master Tova Tarantiono Toshiba is a splendid collection of wit, women and wine. It reminds me of a night on the town with Mohammad Ali in drag.
Lady GaGaGa

This is a blessed book that can be read during the rapture or while burning in hell.
Rev. Paat Robertson

The story (so far):

This fictional short-story collection challenges our perceptions and illusions about religious masters, spiritual teachers, gurus, charlatans and holy men and women of all persuasions, while simultaneously tickling our funny bone and exercising the muscles our faces rely on for laughter. Zen Master Tova Tarantino Toshiba takes liberty with questionable material from the living sea, near Egypt; tofu paper, in Okinawa; a tomb, in Italy; a shaman, in Ethiopia; and a half-sister, in India. The words, quotes, koans and stories, of this soon to be classical work, include the timeless insights of Let the Worm’s Go, Dead Food,  Reality Bites, Stealing the Buddha, Drip After Drip, Sound of One Eye, Catching Wind, Looking Good, My Cat’s Enlightened, Chocolate Box, and Sex, Drugs and Sushi Rolls.

The Illustrious and Delusional Abbess of Satire at Amazon.

Zen Master Tova Tarantino Toshiba at Fountain Blue Publishing

Abbess of Satire

586613838e010d433bacb209ce65ea56c69e859e-thumbMy second newborn has just arrived, within a month from her sister’s birth (The Last Conception). Same father (me), but a different mother (Fountain Blue Publishing).  Zen Master Tova Tarantino Toshiba: The Illustrious and Delusional Abbess of Satire, takes the classic Zen Flesh Zen Bones: A Collection of Zen and Pre-Zen Writings, in an entirely new direction… right over the cliff and down the rabbit hole. Praise (and remorse) for these stories, from some famous, infamous, real and surreal, individuals follows (below). Hope you enjoy her “wisdom” as much as I did discovering her.

This fictional short-story collection challenges our perceptions and illusions about religious masters, spiritual teachers, gurus, charlatans and holy men and women of all persuasions, while simultaneously tickling our funny bone and exercising the muscles our faces rely on for laughter. Zen Master Tova Tarantino Toshiba takes liberty with questionable material from the living sea, near Egypt; tofu paper, in Okinawa; a tomb, in Italy; a shaman, in Ethiopia; and a half-sister, in India. The words, quotes, koans and stories, of this soon to be classical work, include the timeless insights of Let the Worm’s Go, Dead Food,  Reality Bites, Stealing the Buddha, Drip After Drip, Sound of One Eye, Catching Wind, Looking Good, My Cat’s Enlightened, Chocolate Box, and Sex, Drugs and Sushi Rolls.

Zen Master Tova Tarantino Toshiba at Fountain Blue Publishing
 
Praise and Remorse for Zen Master Tova Tarantino Toshiba: The Illustrious and Delusional Abbess of Satire.

Enlightenment or laughs? With Gabriel Constans’ book you don’t have to choose. Zen masters usually have a sense of humor, or need one. Gabriel’s got it, and he gives us a world of illusions to laugh about.
Bob Fenster, author of Duh: The Stupid History of the Human Race

This is a blessed book that can be read during the rapture or while burning in hell.
Rev. Paat Robertson

World leaders and politicians could learn a thing or two from the teachings of Master Tova Tarantino Toshiba. She understood and transformed the inspiring, Yes. No. Maybe, into Yes, we can, long before its use in politics.
President Ohlama

The Illustrious and Delusional Abbess of Satire at Amazon.

Zen Master Tova Tarantiono Toshiba is a splendid collection of wit, women and wine. It reminds me of a night on the town with Mohammad Ali in drag.
Lady GaGaGa

There are no teachings that are outside of you, except the ones inside this book. Unless, of course, you’ve eaten this book.
Bob Tzu, guru, avatar, wisdumb teacher at duhism.com

An incredible onslaught of insight and universal truth – like Yoda on estrogen.
George Lucus

Zen Master Tova Tarantino Toshiba at Amazon Kindle.

An endearing and soul searching work that reveals hidden treasures of this infamous master and hysterically questionable abbess. My brother loves it.
Llama KanChew, Sister of the Dalai Lama

Gabriel Constans’ divine book about the humble Abbess can be used as a book of prayer, inspiration or before communing with the poor or the filthy rich.
Pope Fransis, Bishop of Romen

For those who are old enough to remember, the original Golden Girls sitcom was based on the real life teachings of that zany grand lady of Zen, Master Tova Tarantino Toshiba.
Bettie Whyte, Actress and Comedienne

Brown Sugar

Brown Sugar
by Gabriel Constans

This smoothie is great for breakfast or as a mid-morning pick-me-up. It provides you with lots of energy to face the day, and its sweetness will put a smile on your face!

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Yield: 4 1/2 cups

1 banana
2 cups filtered water
1/3 cup cooked oats
3/4 cup firm tofu
1 tablespoon plus 1 1/2 teaspoons brown sugar
3 tablespoons plus 1 1/2 teaspoons plain yogurt

Place all the ingredients in a blender, and blend on medium for 30 seconds.

Pour into bowl or wide cup. Use a spoon or drink it up.

Cold Comfort

Cold Comfort
by Gabriel Constans

Garlic is truly the patient’s best friend. It helps cleanse the throat, sinuses, nose, and lungs. It has been used to ward off werewolves, vampires, and “the evil eye,” and has been praised as a cure for every calamity imaginable. Some people believe that if you eat or drink enough garlic, you will live forever: Of course, you may live alone, due to its strong smell.

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Yield: 3 cups

1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
Pinch of cayenne pepper
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
3 ripe bananas
2 cups apple juice
2 teaspoons maple syrup
1/4 cup soft tofu

Place all the ingredients in a blender, and mix on medium speed for 30 seconds.

Pour into short glasses and drink a wee bit at a time. Cold Comfort has a strong kick.

Drinking A Wiley Coyote

Wiley Coyote Smoothie

The coyote is a North American wild dog closely related to the wolf. Many native peoples have stories and beliefs surrounding the coyote, often referred to as the trickster who outsmarts both friend and foe. Coyotes dfend their chosen “territory,” howl in chorus, and mate for life. The Wiley Coyote may make you howl, too. As far as mating for life goes, that’s another story.

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Yield: 4 cups

2 tablespoons raisins
1 ripe banana
1 cup apricot nectar
1 tablespoon carob powder
1/2 cup apple juice
1/2 cup soy milk
1/2 cup firm tofu

Place tall the ingredients in a blender, and mix on medium speed for 1 minute.

Pour into tall glasses, serve, drink and howl for more.

Great-Am-SmoothiesExcerpt from Great American Smoothies: The Ultimate Blending Guide for Shakes, Slushes, Desserts, & Thirst Quenchers by Gabriel Constans

Drink Up Masai Giraffe

images-1The Masai Giraffe

The giraffe is also known as Giraffa camelopardalis. Try saying that clearly ten times in a row. If you’ve succeeded without blubbering or getting lockjaw, pour yourself a Masai Giraffe to celebrate. These wonderful beings roam the southern areas of East Africa and may reach a height of 18 feet. The Masai Giraffe is a thick, rich, and colorful lunch or supper drink.

Yield: 2 cups

1 cup sliced, cooked carrots
2 tablespoons raisins
1 cup firm tofu
2 cups soy milk
2 tablespoons brown sugar

Place tall the ingredients in a blender, and mix on medium speed for 1 minute.

Pour into tall glasses and serve standing on a ladder.

Great-Am-Smoothies

Excerpt from Great American Smoothies: The Ultimate Blending Guide for Shakes, Slushes, Desserts, & Thirst Quenchers by Gabriel Constans

The Honey Bunny

The Honey Bunny

images-1Bunnies are better known as rabbits or hares. They’re cute, cuddly, furry, and wiggle their noses and hop around on large back legs. Everyone loves them. In the wild, they’re prey for many animals, and in captivity they’re prey for children who want to snuggle and squeeze them to death. Remember, this drink is not an animal. Do not squeeze it or try to make it hop, or it could get quite messy!

Yield: 4.5  cups

2 ripe bananas

1/3 cup banana-strawberry yogurt (dairy or non-dairy)

1/4 cup firm tofu

3 tablespoons honey

2 cups milk (soy, rice or dairy)

Place tall the ingredients in a blender, and mix on medium speed for 45 seconds.

Pour into tall glasses, serve and bounce with delight.

Great-Am-SmoothiesExcerpt from Great American Smoothies: The Ultimate Blending Guide for Shakes, Slushes, Desserts, & Thirst Quenchers
by Gabriel Constans
(One of the first books of smoothies published in North America.)

Smokey Bear

Great-Am-Smoothies

Smokey Bear

From Great American Smoothies: The Ultimate Blending Guide for Shakes, Slushes, Desserts, & Thirst Quenchers
by Gabriel Constans
(One of the first books of smoothies published in North America.)

Except for the polar bear; most bears are dark in color and are usually peaceful and timid unless disturbed. If you happen to surprise a bear, especially a mother with cubs, you have two choices. One, slowly back away and act like you don’t exist; or two, offer it a Smokey Bear smoothie. This is one of my favorites – cool, refreshing and filling.

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Yield: 4 cups

3 cups soy milk
3 tablespoons carob powder
1/2 teaspoon peppermint extract
1 cup firm tofu
2 ripe bananas
2 tablespoons honey

1. Place all ingredients in a blender, and mix on medium speed for 30 seconds.

2. Place the smoothie mixture in the freezer for 5 minutes, until chilled.

3. Pour into tall glasses, serve, drink your fill and go into hibernation.

The Pink Flamingo

Great-Am-Smoothies

The Pink Flamingo

From Great American Smoothies: The Ultimate Blending Guide for Shakes, Slushes, Desserts, & Thirst Quenchers
by Gabriel Constans
(One of the first books of smoothies published in North America. Avery Publishing, 1997)

Take a drink of this smoothie and try to not think about pink flamingos. Impossible, you say? Perhaps, but not as difficult as avoiding the image of a pink elephant.

Yield: 4 cups

1 cup raspberry juice

4 tablespoons frozen orange juice

1 cup filtered water

3 small bananas

2 tablespoons plain soy yogurt

1/4 cup firm tofu

10 fresh strawberries

1 cup peeled and chopped cantaloupe

1. Place all ingredients in a blender, and mix on medium speed for 40 seconds.

2. Pour into tall glasses (without thinking of a pink flamingo) and serve.

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